I don’t know where this post is going…just some things I need to talk about.
Have you ever had a day where you question who you are? Please don’t roll your eyes, think ‘here we go’ and think I’m a fruit…it’s not THAT deep.
Here’s what I mean: I truly know and believe in my heart that I am a good person. I’m a positive person. I’m a happy person. I’m a funny person. All of that (except for the ‘good person’ part) seems to disappear when I step foot into the place that I have to go to everyday to earn a paycheck. I’m a perceptive person. I ‘feel’ negativity when it’s near me. When I walk into work, it’s like a lingering cloud. Today, things were said and brought up to me about things that have happened and been said in the past about me, and it’s really made me believe that I’m not the person I thought I was. Not that I have done bad or mean things to people; not that I have said bad or mean things to or about people. And yet, negative things are being said about me. Details, I don’t really want to go into, and I don’t even know if you all can get the jist of what I’m getting at. To put it more understandably…people say bad / mean things about me, I believe them and start to doubt myself. WHY?!? Someone pays me a compliment, I blow it off and feel like it’s a ‘pity compliment’…set off by what, I don’t know, but that’s what I think. But when I hear something negative? I instantly believe it, take it to heart, feel like I was punched in the stomach, and start to question what is wrong with me to make them say such hurtful things. Pretty much equals a shitty day.
So, the positive outcome is, I want to exercise. I want to walk. I want to run on Lippy until the stress is gone. That’s how my night is about to close.