stupid, I know…

So, from yesterday to today, I’ve lost 3 lbs. I don’t even care that it’s completely water weight from running to the bathroom 6 times yesterday because of the new medication.

I. Don’t. Care.

3 lbs. people!


Right after work, I went to the Doctor. Mainly to get my blood work results for my diabetes and cholesterol. My A1C was 6.8 last time I was there…this time it was 7.2, creeping up a bit. To get better control of my blood sugar he gave me a prescription for Metformin (glucophage). I’m SO thrilled. This is the perfect medication for my blood sugar AND my PCOS.

My cholesterol stayed the same. No news there. I do have to increase my exercise / activity to try and bring up my good cholesterol though.

As for the ‘other’ stuff. Seems I am no longer able to control my depression on my own. I knew it was coming…the ups and downs lately have been so much more severe, I knew I could no longer deal with it on my own. Since I’m not able to address anything without crying, I typed up all of what is going on with me to be able to give it directly to the doctor and not make a fool of myself bawling while trying to explain it all, not to mention I probably would have forgotten 95% of it. Seems that was the best thing to do, as he was able to read through it all, in detail, about all 4 issues I’m having. Lots of good came of it. The 4 different issues were depression, stomach issues, mental issues, and my weight. As soon as he was finished reading my paper, he goes ‘We will immediately begin to address the first 3…the weight, we both know, is not as easy.’ What I love about that, is he’s not blaming ME for my weight. He knows what I do, what I eat and don’t eat. And the friggin weight STAYS.

Seems all 4 issues are related. All of these things contribute to the other. Creating a vicious cycle of things I can’t control anymore.

He also told me after reading all of it, I have OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) and social anxiety disorder. I never realized some of the things that I do that make me insane, are related to the OCD. So now I’m going to be taking Citalopram (Celexa) that is for the depression, OCD and the anxiety stuff.

In one day I have gone from feeling like a hopeless mess, to ‘fixable’. WOOT!

Dr. visit tomorrow.

I have just finished typing up a list of ’stuff’. I’m not leaving that Dr. tomorrow without addressing these things, and getting some help to be able to start fresh and actually have a positive outlook on everything again. Right now I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle, and there is no end in sight. It’s a bit overwhelming.

I’ll post after I get home.

How things always work out…

So we went to the Casting Crowns concert last night. The word ‘amazing’ both completely covers it and yet can’t even begin to describe it. We got to meet them before the concert and it was nothing like what I was expecting. I was expecting rock stars. They were Christians. Amazing Christians, no better than you or I.

Then the concert. They sang a couple of songs. And then would pray. Imagine being in a place where 1,000’s upon 1,000’s of people were all praying at the same time. I can’t even describe to you the feeling that came over me. The prayers they would say were like I was the only person there, and he was talking to me. Just me. There was a reason I was to be there. I knew that before I even went. But when I left there it was so much more than I could have ever expected. I left there with a permanent smile and tears, feeling 50 lbs. lighter and as cheesy as this may sound, my heart felt fuller that I have felt in a long time.

Today just feels so different. And, again, amazing.


Earlier this week, one of my amazing friends won 2 tickets from the radio to go see ‘Casting Crowns‘ tomorrow night in Cleveland. This morning, they had a Grand Prize drawing for those who won tickets to have theirs upgraded. She won THAT too! She now gets 6 VIP tickets, backstage passes and a meet-n-greet before the show!

I TOTALLY GET TO GO!!!!!!!!!!!

I think I might need this more than I even know right now.


Thank you all for the prayers and well-wishes for my mom…she is doing ok now. She has some other things to go and have checked out by a Cardiologist on the 25th, but for now all is good…so thank you, it means alot!

I know I haven’t updated on me lately, but I will soon. With all of my ups and downs right now, I don’t want to make all of my entries sound really down. It’s not like me, and I don’t want to be the site that everyone starts to avoid because all I am doing is being negative or upset. I’m having a rough time right now sorting through the depression (and I think it’s more than that at this point) and really don’t want this site to be one more negative…

I will update again soon with just general how I’m doings on the weight loss front. BTW, I was up 1 lb. this past Friday…stress will do that to me I guess!

Right down the crapper.

So I’m having a great day, sticking to points, drinking water and then get a phone call:

Dad: Mom’s in the hospital.

My stomach sank. Everything is ok so far right now. But at that moment my heart and stomach dove. Didn’t want to eat a thing. My dad tells me to just stay home for now, he’ll let me know if anything changes. Then it switched to wanting to eat everything and anything.

Maybe there is my ‘thing’. Remember awhile back, I wrote that everyone always has those underlying reasons why they eat so much, why they are obese, blah blah blah. Maybe mine is that it’s just because I can’t control the situation. If I don’t feel completely in control 100% of the time, I eat. Maybe food is just the one thing that I constantly and forever have control over.

Even though it is out of control.


Just blew that theory.

Super week. Super confession. (Week 2 / Day 10)

Holy crap. Do you see that? Day 10?!

Ok. I confess. Super Bowl Sunday I didn’t count a damn thing. And I had a smorgasbord of fun finger foods to munch on. Mozzarella sticks. Breaded mushrooms. Mini corn dogs. Popcorn chicken. I did bake all of these items. Doesn’t make what I ate any better.

Monday I got over it. And Day 10 is looking pretty damn good.

Points Log

Date Target Breakfast Lunch Dinner Snacks Total
02.06.08 30 1 X X X 1
Water = 84 oz.
Activity =

Drink, man, drink! (Week 2 / Day 9)

I have been doing surprising well with getting at least 100 oz. of water in everyday. Sunday and yesterday were days where I just didn’t feel thirsty at all, which made it almost impossible to drink, drink, drink. Today I can feel the difference. When Abbie got off the bus I saw her coming and smiled, and my top lip split. I get dehydrated super easy with my diabetes and Byetta…both dehydrate me horribly. Just that short of time of not getting in the whole 100 oz. and I’m paying for it. So I thought I would post some tips that may help you (and me) get in the water when you have those days like I did. Some you probably already know, but hearing the basics again, never hurts.

1. Drinking a full glass of water first thing in the morning helps wake the body up. So kick-start your day with water!

2. Every time you walk past a water fountain, take a sip or two.

3. Gradually increase your daily intake of water by starting with, for example, 1 l. Keep a 1-l bottle of water in the fridge and aim to have it finished by the end of the day. Increase this amount every day.

4. Try drinking cold water out of a glass instead of a plastic or paper cup. The glass will retain the cold better than other materials and will keep your water crisp and fresh-tasting longer.

5. Eat ice, it’s water and it tastes really good! Just don’t chew it; that will ruin your teeth.

6. Use a straw. This makes it SO much easier to drink a larger amount of water. Plus, if you don’t like the taste of water, use a straw because you won’t taste the water as much, because it will skip part of your tongue.

7. If you don’t want to put anything fruity in your water, try adding a Splenda to your plain water. It gives it a bit of a sweet taste and makes it easier to drink if you don’t like the taste of water.

8. Try having your 8 glasses of water a day - 2 before breakfast, 2 between breakfast and lunch, 2 between lunch and dinner, and 2 after dinner. It may take a while to get used to, but it will be very good for you.

9. Keep water with you at all time. If you have a bottle with you it will serve to remind you to use it.

10. Lastly, and most importantly on our journeys…Drink Water, Lose Weight!!

Points Log

Date Target Breakfast Lunch Dinner Snacks Total
02.05.08 30 1 5 9.5 8.5 24
Water = 120 oz.
Activity =

(Week 2 / Day 6)

Points Log

Date Target Breakfast Lunch Dinner Snacks Total
02.02.08 30 6 X X X 6
Water = 12 oz.
Activity =

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