Not a good day…

May 23rd, 2006

Short and sweet…I don’t like to do this, but I’m begging for your prayers. I got a call today to call the dr.’s office back about my most recent pap test, and when I did it the results were that it is abnormal. I do have a couple of details already that I’m not going to post as of yet, and they are still waiting on an HPV test result (this is the Human Papillomavirus) and it is a virus that can lead to Cervical Cancer. Those of you who know about PCOS, there is already an increased risk for cervical cancer because of my abnormal periods in my past. To say the least, I’m scared to death right now and praying for the best possible outcome while trying to stay positive and not cry in front of the girls…

Day late…

May 16th, 2006

Weigh in was yesterday, but I did have a good excuse for not posting it. I formatted my computer on Sunday night and never got it up and running until last night.

Anyhoo, my weigh in was 250. I didn’t get to see that magical 249 on my weigh in day, but it’s still a 2 lb. loss for the week. Nothing to snub my nose at!

As for WHY the 249 (or lower) didn’t show. Carbs. Sugar. Bout sums it up. It was just one of those weekends where I was ‘munchy’. I can’t say ‘hungry’, but just ‘munchy’. And I totally gave in. I didn’t want to even look at a vegetable, the thought of eggs and cheese just made me blah. Yesterday, however, and today so far have been going really well. I’m so focused on the eating healthy that it’s almost as if I’m not truly following a ‘plan’…just making good choices (crappy weekend excluded). I am going to have those bad days. There are going to be days where the focus is amazing and others when it’s not.

I see a trend though because every single day last week I walked 2 miles on my lunch break. EVERY day. Plus 3 days on Lippy at night, and I ate really well and stayed focused. Weekend? NOTHING. Not a DROP of exercise (unless you count all of the housework and cleaning the basement I accomplished, but still not intentional exercise). And how did I eat??? yeah.

The weather has been dreary and rainy EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. So the gloominess of it may be getting me as well, in the exercise portion.

Shameless sale here…anyone with kids/grandkids want a TON of Little People and all the SHTUFF that goes with them??? I have a HUGE 122 pc. Little People auction up on Ebay. Check it out if you are interested. / end plug. Oh, cept for the link. Little People Auction ok. Now /end plug

She’s back :)

May 10th, 2006

I’m sure you can tell by the number of posts lately, not to mention the ‘up-ness’ in them, that I am back on track. Today is day #1 of South Beach for me. I have been following the basic guidelines since I read about it a few days ago. Saturday, after having seen the dr. the day before, I stuck to low-carb through yesterday. Last night I went to Wal-mart and did my grocery shopping to prepare for today on the South Beach Diet (SBD). The scale smiled on me again this morning and I am now a full POUND out of the 250’s!!!!!! 249 I was blessed with seeing. That is only 10 lbs. above the lowest I hit after having Megan. I see pictures of myself when I was 239 and I love it. My face looked thinner, everything. (That’s a wonderful plus to being 6 foot tall…weight is carried better when there is more footage to spread it around on…:) ) I’m seeing that change in my face already and I still have 10 more lbs. to go to hit that low. I truly think that after I get myself out of the 240’s it will be even better sailing. I know there will be a point, as there always has, where I get burned out by the dieting, but I am truly understanding that it cannot just be a week of good eating and exercise and then expect my 18 year old body to reappear.

I have been walking 2 miles a day on my lunch break (2 miles in 32 minutes, even!! That’s a *tad* under 4 MPH…AWESOME)…and then after work, I have been doing more gardening, mowing, anything to stay moving. Compliments are the best motivators…I have had 3 already that people are noticing the loss, and it makes me want to keep on just as I have. I am BUSTING to go down a pants size again. I started all this in a tight 24, I’m now in a loose 20 and I cannot wait to find me some 16/18’s…holy cow. That will be the best feeling. THAT is my focus right now. Changing my body. I have got to find something to focus on and take my mind off of the scale. I need to watch my inches lost, and the clothing sizes, that kind of stuff instead of a friggin number ruining it all. Easier said than done, I know…but I am working on it.

I really am loving the prinicples of the SBD. It’s healthy. It is similar to Core in the fact that you can only have lean meats, fat-free or low-fat cheeses, veggies (no fruit on Phase 1…only for 2 weeks), b eans are a daily requirement, healthy stuff! On WW I think I was letting the ‘oh I can have that ice cream because it’s in my points’ get me…I was filling my points with things that I probably shouldn’t have, and it slowed me down. Having PCOS, my body needs a different kind of diet. I have to watch carefully at the bad carbs and the processed foods. SBD is NOT low-carb. I didn’t know that at first. I thought it was just another low-carb diet. Nope. It’s actually a really healthy way of eating. What I’m most proud of, is lately I have learned to listen to my body. If I feel the temptation to snack, I literally stop and ask myself, ‘Are ya REALLY hungry, or are ya bored or upset???’ and it WORKS!!! I haven’t journaled anything I have eaten in over a week, and will probably get back to that just so that I can look back and see what I was eating, but for the most part, I know what I can eat, in unlimited quantities (within a reasonable amount), and I do really well.

!! WOOT !!

May 9th, 2006

Yesterday, as I reported I was down 1/2 lb. for the week. This morning? 2 MORE. New medication, low-carb (starting South Beach tomorrow after shopping tonight) and exercise. What a lovely sight.

What a feeling!

May 8th, 2006

Name a body part. Any body part. I bet mine hurts.

We had a wonderful weekend. Saturday morning, I took Abbie to her horse riding lessons, came home got a few loads of laundry done and dishes done, all the while, Clint and the neighbor guy were seeding the back 2 acres of both of our properties. I called Clint in as we needed to get ready because we took the girls to see ‘Dora’s Pirate Adventure’ LIVE…it was SO much fun! Abbie is a bit old for it, but she still enjoys Dora just because Meggie does, so they both had a blast!!! It was awesome. Megan sang and danced the whole time. We have never done anything like that with the kids because it’s so dang expensive, but now that they are both a bit older it was a great time to go.

Yesterday we were outside from like 10:30 a.m. until 5:30 p.m. and literally hoeing all friggin day. We extended Samson’s (our Chocolate Lab) invisible fence (now that the animals are gone, we no longer have a pasture but a full yard!!!) all the way back to the woods…so the distance that we had to extend it was nearly 1,000 feet total in length. So, yes, Clint and I, taking turns, used a 2″ hoe and literally hoed our way all the way around the perimiter where the wire went in. If I was hoeing (which I do quite well, I must say…) Clint was on his hands and knees laying and covering the wire, and vice-versa. It was a lot of work. I’m surprised my arms aren’t more sore than they are. My butt and tops of the backs of my legs, thighs, hips and calves are all a completely different story. Sore as all get-out. So I just got back from a 1-1/2 mile (23 minute) walk on my lunch break. Thought it would loosen everything up a bit. Nope.

It’s ok though…Clint’s ‘plan’ is working. The scale was down 1/2 lb. this morning from last week. That is the result of 2 up and down episodes during last week and now this being my third day on the new medication, and even though I am definitely pottying more as it’s a water pill as well, it’s not as bad as I thought it would be. It may take a few days to really work as it should, so I need to be prepared, but for now I can tell it’s working because of the dry mouth I woke up with today and the way my wedding rings completly SPIN on my fingers. My fingers look thinner, my mom told me as soon as I got to work this morning that my face even looked thinner. I really didn’t realize that water retention could be that bad.

I looked into the 6-week body makeover that was suggested by Heather in my comments on my previous post. I’m scared to try it. I wrote her back with all sorts of questions, but I am feeling pretty strongly about South Beach Diet. It sounds like a healthy way to do low-carb, which is what my body needs at this point.

I don’t know what to do with my site here now. I want to have a new look. It’s a new start on a new path. I hate to get rid of all of the weight watchers information and not have it posted anymore, so maybe I will leave it all up and have different sections for the two different diets. I’ll see. Who knows when I will even get the chance to mess with it.

Clint’s ‘plan’ that I mentioned is truly a wonderful thing. I mentioned in my previous post that Clint asked me to do things ‘his way’ after all of the ups and downs I have had. Truly after the work outside that we did yesterday, I can see why he is so damn skinny. It’s gonna work. Every part of my body can feel it’s gonna work. I still need to get the SBD book and learn more about it all, but for now I’m leaning on my slim knowledge of low-carb. I have been having omelets like they are going out of style. I love them. I use one whole egg and two egg whites, and mix in some Rotel tomatoes, whisk it all together, pour it in the pan for the omelet and then put 1 slice of fat free cheese and some crumbled crispy pepperoni in the middle of it. (to make the crispy pepperoni I layer about 5 paper towels on a plate, place the pepperoni on it in a single layer (none touching) and microwave it for about 2-3 minutes…be careful if you do this, I had 2 that were black and smoking quite nicely on Saturday morning…could have easily been a fire…so watch them closely and cook them until they are no longer ’shiny’ with grease and ‘crispy’…let them cool and you can crumble them in your hand very easily…they are awesome in the omelet, or eat them with thin slices of cheese for a ‘cracker and cheese’ kinda snack. Amazing.

So I need to get the book and also answer another comment on the SBD support board and get this rolling. So far I am feeling wonderful.

The Dr. Visit.

May 5th, 2006

I just returned from my Dr. Appointment. All in all, things are good. He told me he does not want to give me Glucophage, seeing as how my periods are completely regular at this point. That kind of surprised me, but I’ll do what he says. He did give me a prescription though, but it is for water retention and he said after about 6 months I will see a huge difference in the abnormal hair growth. He is pretty sure the water retention is to blame for my roller-coaster scale ride lately.

The prescription is for ‘Aldactone’. That is the brand name. The generic for it is Spironolatone. I just found an amazing article on it already and it seems to be the absolute best for the abnormal hair growth (hirtuism). Now I’m excited.

As for my weight loss, he told me that he didn’t want to prescribe any kind of ‘diet pill’ to help. He wants me doing either Weight Watchers and low-carb/no processed foods, as I’ve been doing, or try South Beach. For those who don’t know, South Beach is low-carb, but healthier, as it incorporated fruits and veggies in and the meats need to be leaner meats, that kind of stuff from what I gather so far. I remember when I tried Atkins, the phrase to keep in your mind was ‘If it’s an animal, you can eat it’…so ANY kind of meat, and cheeses and eggs. I’m going to go this weekend and get the South Beach book, and see what it takes, and also look online for any groups and info. It sounds as though it’s the best for my PCOS at this points.

This is going to be a confusing transfer from WW to South Beach for me. Thing is, with the knowledge I now have from being on WW for so long, I know what are the healthier choices to make.

A loss?!?!

May 3rd, 2006

Hmmm…another weird week, moody ups and downs, and a huge gain on the scale in one day, then a loss of it all, and then today? I’m down an additional pound from last week putting me at 252.5 I WILL get out of the 250’s by Monday. I’m fighting for this one.

I finally sat with Clint the other night and talked to him about how I’m feeling (this is the same night we talked about me having surgery)…he now realizes how desperate I truly feel. He is my partner in this now. Don’t get me wrong, he’s always been completely supportive, but in more of a ‘do what you gotta do’ kinda thing…when I told him I didn’t think I would qualify for surgery, he goes, ‘Well, then we’re gonna do this MY way ’…He is being completely amazing. ‘His Way’ means outside time every night working in the flower beds and garden, and staying as active as he is during the summer…he’s a maniac, I swear, but he’s thin, so he’s doing something right! The more I read and research more on PCOS the better low-carb is for my symptoms. So I’m doing that with my own ’spin’. I’m not ‘counting’ points, but I know in my head how much things are, and I’m making the right choices. I’m eating more meats / protein (chicken and fish more right now) and making sure I have fruits and veggies for my snacks. High carb / processed food is off limits at this point. We are also working on lowering Abbie’s sugar intake as she’s been a hyper woman lately, so that helps me as well when those things aren’t in the house.

I know that when you follow low-carb (the Atkins-strict way, at least) that when you begin to eat normally, the weight comes back fast. What I understand right now (and will talk to my doctor more about it all on Friday as I have made a list of questions and problems I’m having) is that when I do get down to my healthy weight, my body should actually start to produce insulin more normally and be able to handle normal foods, because right now it can’t. If I eat any kind of potato (fries, mashed, baked, etc.) I feel SO friggin bloated immediately and just sick to my stomach from it. I can’t handle those kinds of foods at all.

So, I’m doing this my way, at least until I get the Dr.’s advice (along with a prescription for a healthy dose of Glucophage) and see how it goes. I do feel much better mentally now the some stress from work has gone down, and that I have gotten through to Clint how crucial this is for me. The other day when I posted, I truly felt the lowest I have in a very long time, possibly ever. That is the worst feeling.

I have also been reading lately on some new news on PCOS that Bi-Polar disorder is also known to affect PCOS sufferers as well, and I never have read up on the symptoms, and after looking into that as well, it seems some of my ‘emotional’ things lately are either pointing to that or back to depression, which was previously diagnosed about 9 years ago or so. I never stayed on meds for it as they didn’t help and I didn’t like the ‘drugged up’ feeling…I’m just not a big meds person at all as you can tell, but the Glucophage I am willing to give it every chance for as long as it takes to see the results. The bipolar/depression will be mentioned to my dr. as well on Friday.

All-in-all things are looking up. I’m really not this ‘down’ of a person…and lately it sounds that way here. Surgery is more than likely out of the question (gastric bypass) as right now I don’t think my BMI or weight would qualify me, and I would hate to have to go to that extreme, but we will just wait and see what the dr. has to say on Friday and if he even suggests it.

Thank you for all of your comments lately…you all help me get through so much and I appreciate that so much from you all…you’re the best!!!


April 30th, 2006

I have been so up and down emotionally lately. Even a lady at work noticed it, although she wasn’t very ‘nice’ about asking me if I was ok. She blurted out ‘Are you MENTAL’?? So I shot back with a nasty ‘What the Hell??’ she goes ‘ you just seem happy one minute and stressed and down the next’…what a way to put it, huh?? Let me see, I have been doing the job of 2 people for the past 2 weeks while my mom has been on a much deserved vacation, things at home seem more stressful since I come home from work stressed, no time to do anything I enjoy, you name it. Right now I’m feeling it. What leads to weight gain? Yep, you guessed it… STRESS. I’m fighting a losing battle.

I am feeling so desperate about the whole weight loss thing that I actually asked Clint what he would think if my Dr. (who I see on Friday morning) would think I would be a candidate for laproscopic bypass surgery. I am seriously feeling that defeated right now. Seriously, how long can one person ‘diet’ and see very little gratifying changes?? It’s the most frustrating thing in the world. Thing is, after reading the different sites, I would have a hard time qualifying for the surgery as I am not 100 lbs. overweight anymore, and my BMI is below 40. Most places seem to have those numbers as the magic numbers to qualify. Guess I should put a positive spin on that, because before, I probably could have been an easy candidate.

And having PCOS on top of it all makes it completely impossible, I swear. I do know that I have changed my mind on the Glucophage front. I am going to BEG my doctor for it this week. I know there is no way around it now. The only reason I never wanted to take it was just because I’m not a big ‘pill’ person. Medicine just irks me that I need it. I think I try to deny the fact that there is something wrong with me and my body, and maybe if I ignore it it will fix itself or go away. It’s not happening. The glucophage will help my body with the insulin resistance, which will in turn help my body to lose weight, which is just a positive side-effect of the drug. But I have been reading more about it and seeing how so many women with PCOS are seeing reduced symptoms (hair growth slowing or disappearing considerably)…the hair growth and the weight are my two biggest hates of the PCOS. These two alone can make you feel so un-feminine, it’s not even funny. Look, I’m 6 foot tall, that already intimidates people, but, let’s add 90-some extra pounds, and now I’m just like this huge giant intimidating woman, then for shits and giggles, let’s add some HAIR to every abnormal area of the poor girls body. Yeah, that’s me in a nutshell. Sucks.

Ok. I promise no more crappy posts. This is so not like me. Right now I am seriously at my witt’s end and am not dealing with it all so well…I’ll be happy tomorrow

Happy Friday!!!

April 28th, 2006

What a freakin’ sweet day. It’s Friday. My weight has maintained. Hoping for SOME kind of loss by Monday, but it’s the numbers aren’t climbing, so that’s always a plus!! I can tell a difference in my clothes as well. They are fitting comfortably, some so comfortably they are baggy. So at least now I know that even if the pounds aren’t changing much, the inches must be. That’s always a beautiful thing. I started this journey, (how friggin long ago???) in a TIGHT 24. I’m in a 20. Loose 20. You don’t know how much I would love to see a size 18.

Tonight…oh my goodness, tonight…we are going to pick up our new car!! Well, it’s new to us…it’s a 2005 Ford Taurus. I have never in my life liked the looks of a Taurus for some reason, they just weren’t my style. This baby is a beauty. It’s a sportier body style with a fin on the trunk. It’s a metallic light sage green color. Very Perty. I will have Clint take a picture of me with her and post it. Oh boy, another picture promise. Let’s see if I can follow through with that this time.

Who WAS that girl??

April 25th, 2006

I hate when I post downers…few days later when things blow over, I feel like I made a bigger deal than it really was. But it was honest, and what I was feeling, and I guess that’s what this place is about.

Things have gotten much better. When I mentioned that the scale could go *BLEEP* itself in the last post, it was because it was UP 5.5 lbs. in ONE day. Yes. Five and one half pounds in ONE DAY. The good news is, since then the 5.5 has removed itself and an additional pound followed. So I was down an official 1 lb. this week, but lost 6.5 total this past week. So I’m taking it as a 1 lb. loss. I feel better now.

*Boy readers, run now* I will have my ‘time’ in about 3 days, that could have very well been the problem. Why I forget this EVERY month is beyond me. I had so many YEARS without a period, that even though I have now been regular for the past 3-1/2 years, not missing one period, I still can’t believe, and tend to forget, that I am so regular. *Boy readers may resume*

I really feel good about my eating habits this past week. I have kept my bad carbs out. I have been eating fresh fruits and veggies, lean meats, and craving eggs right now. With my PCOS symptoms, the best diet I should be on to reduce symptoms is low-carb. It has to do with my insulin-resistance. I just can’t bring myself to do low-carb completely. Yeah, I followed Atkins and lost over 20 lbs. in a month’s time, but as soon as I started to eat normally because had gotten pregnant, it came back, and fast. So I’m thinking if I watch my portion sizes, eat low-carb foods but keep the fruits and veggies coming, things are going to be good. And, so far it really seems to be a good thing.

One thing I’m having trouble with and never have before is , water. Anyone who knows me in real life knows I live on water. I can get a gallon a day in no problem. Now all of a sudden, if it’s not a glass of water for my vitamins, I don’t want it. The only way I’m getting my water these days is mixing it with Raspberry Tea Crystal Lite. NOT Raspberry Ice, just the Raspberry Tea. I’m in love with it.

Exercise and activity has been great. My house is clean, yard work is getting done, walks with the girls at night are becoming a routine (Meggie in her stroller, which she’s getting entirely too big for, and Abbie on her bike, and me following along at around 4 MPH), or Abbie and I jumping on our bikes and riding…it’s a wonderful thing.

I also got myself a pair of rollerblades. To say the least, I need practice. They are alot less scary than they look, I will say that. Once you have them all strapped on, you can’t tip over. They look as though you would just twist your ankle off. They actually feel as sturdy as the 4-wheel roller skate. I just have to keep practicing my ability to roll forward. The only place I have to practice is in the barn (well, it’s a ’shop’ now since all of the animals are gone) and it gives me plenty of room, but we concreted the floor ourselves, so there are some little hills, gritty spots, stuff like that that make it kinda hard to keep my balance, but I’m getting it. What I don’t get is how to stop the friggin things. The brake is on the heel of my right foot. Yeah. It goes something like this: After you finally get yourself moving on the skates, keep your balance as you raise the toe of your right foot to apply brake. Sounds easy enough right?? Ever try it?? Not that easy. The manual for the things even say that the brakes are meant to stop you slowly. So, needless to say, once I get going, remember it’s time to try and slow down, there’s the wall. So I’m going doorway to doorway in the barn to literally slam into (catch myself if I’m lucky) to stop myself. Nice brakes, huh? I can’t bring myself to get on the road until I learn to stop. Anyone have any experience in this area that may be able to help me? Oh and one more thing. While you’re sitting down in the chair putting on your skates, how do you get up out of the chair without any help and without your feet rolling out in front of you while your butt smacks the ground???