I have been so up and down emotionally lately. Even a lady at work noticed it, although she wasn’t very ‘nice’ about asking me if I was ok. She blurted out ‘Are you MENTAL’?? So I shot back with a nasty ‘What the Hell??’ she goes ‘ you just seem happy one minute and stressed and down the next’…what a way to put it, huh?? Let me see, I have been doing the job of 2 people for the past 2 weeks while my mom has been on a much deserved vacation, things at home seem more stressful since I come home from work stressed, no time to do anything I enjoy, you name it. Right now I’m feeling it. What leads to weight gain? Yep, you guessed it… STRESS. I’m fighting a losing battle.

I am feeling so desperate about the whole weight loss thing that I actually asked Clint what he would think if my Dr. (who I see on Friday morning) would think I would be a candidate for laproscopic bypass surgery. I am seriously feeling that defeated right now. Seriously, how long can one person ‘diet’ and see very little gratifying changes?? It’s the most frustrating thing in the world. Thing is, after reading the different sites, I would have a hard time qualifying for the surgery as I am not 100 lbs. overweight anymore, and my BMI is below 40. Most places seem to have those numbers as the magic numbers to qualify. Guess I should put a positive spin on that, because before, I probably could have been an easy candidate.

And having PCOS on top of it all makes it completely impossible, I swear. I do know that I have changed my mind on the Glucophage front. I am going to BEG my doctor for it this week. I know there is no way around it now. The only reason I never wanted to take it was just because I’m not a big ‘pill’ person. Medicine just irks me that I need it. I think I try to deny the fact that there is something wrong with me and my body, and maybe if I ignore it it will fix itself or go away. It’s not happening. The glucophage will help my body with the insulin resistance, which will in turn help my body to lose weight, which is just a positive side-effect of the drug. But I have been reading more about it and seeing how so many women with PCOS are seeing reduced symptoms (hair growth slowing or disappearing considerably)…the hair growth and the weight are my two biggest hates of the PCOS. These two alone can make you feel so un-feminine, it’s not even funny. Look, I’m 6 foot tall, that already intimidates people, but, let’s add 90-some extra pounds, and now I’m just like this huge giant intimidating woman, then for shits and giggles, let’s add some HAIR to every abnormal area of the poor girls body. Yeah, that’s me in a nutshell. Sucks.

Ok. I promise no more crappy posts. This is so not like me. Right now I am seriously at my witt’s end and am not dealing with it all so well…I’ll be happy tomorrow