Less Lisa

This post may not be completely happy. Prepare yourselves.

On the diet front, I’m still doing ok. I am sticking to points, focusing more on lower-carb foods, but staying within points of course. I have gotten in some really great exercise daily. Thing is?? PCOS symptoms are worse than ever, and the scale?? It can go *BLEEEEEP* itself.

I have an appointment with my OB/GYN on May 5. I need to talk to him about my PCOS and what the frig to do about my weight. I am hoping something gives before then (weight-loss-wise) because I do not want to go back on Glucophage or any other prescription, but I guess I will just do whatever he thinks is best. My body feels so friggin out of control it’s making me just AAARRGGGHHH…PCOS sucks. Big time.

Today?? My poor daughter. I get both the girls tucked into bed, go out and sit on the couch and watch TV with Clint, and out comes Abbie. Says she needs to tell me a secret. So I lean forward looking for a fun secret like we do. She whispers to me “LITTLE BRAT WHO I WON’T REVEAL HER NAME HERE said you were fat”…I replied with a ‘WHA ???’ (She didn’t actually say “LITTLE BRAT WHO I WON’T REVEAL HER NAME HERE ” in case you didn’t get that part) She very sweetly repeated her secret again. I immediately start to get teary and asked her what did she say back to her? She said ‘nothing, but I don’t think you are, I think you’re a beautiful mom’…do I have the best kid ever or what?? I acted like it wasn’t a big deal, Abbie proceeded to tell me that that was not a nice thing for this kid to say, and she went back to bed. I sat there not knowing how to feel…I mean this DID come from another 7 year old, right?? Shouldn’t be a big deal. Still hurts. I cried, I was mad and biting the inside of my lip like I do when I don’t know what else to do…then I got so WHATEVER that I got on my shoes, and got on Lippy. The longer I went on Lippy the more I started thinking less about this horrible thing that was said about me and more about how horrible I felt that Abbie had to endure a nasty comment about her own momma that she loves so much. Why should a 7 year old have to feel the need to defend her overweight mother? How horrible is that? That is just unnecessary stress for a child to have to deal with.

I got off of Lippy and went into her room and she was just about asleep, but I told her I needed to talk to her about her secret. Through the tears, I told her that I was so sorry that she had to deal with this, and that I didn’t want to be embarassed by her own mom. You know how it is when the kids get older…they get embarrased just because you’re mom and dad…let’s add 80 lbs. to that and see what it gets ya.

She told me that she’s not embarrassed by me at all, and that I was the best mom and she didn’t think I was fat at all. Which of course, brought on more tears from me.

Tonight I hit bottom. This is the worst feeling ever. It’s not the ‘I can’t stand myself’ kind of hitting bottom. This is an ‘I need to do this for me and my family, NOW’ kinda hitting bottom. I will not be the reason for her feeling sad and hearing nasty things. Tonight I made a promise to my daughter. I told her I have already made a doctor’s appointment and that I promised her that I am going to do everything in my power to get skinny and healthy.

I have never broken a promise to my kids.

Nothing more motivating than that.

Just a quick post with weigh-in…I may be back later with a fuller update…

I am down 3.5 lbs. this week!!! 254.5 down from 258 last week. I am holy crappa happy.

Yesterday’s Reverse Raffle that we went to was fun I’m sure I made up the lack of points this week in the alcohol consumption, but it was a blast. I chose one piece of baked chicken, 1/2 of a small potato, salad with no cheese and light dressing and one thin slice of bread for my dinner. We laughed, danced, almost got into a fight with a young kid who got ticked at us for throwing paper airplanes after the bingo / raffle drawings were over…it was quite funny as the plane skidded right across the top of his head. He didn’t take it so well. Even had the nerve to ask me how OLD I was? How dare he. We had fun regardless

So, yesterday I have no idea how I was on points.

Today, I do know. Low. Again. I’m sorry I did try today, but we weren’t home, and then when I was home I was busy…Ok…So I ended up with 20.5 points. At least I hit 20. That is 1025 calories for the day. I spent 75 minutes today with Clint cutting wood. He did all of the cutting, I did all of the hauling and stacking it in the trailer. 75 minutes. I earned 9 activity points there alone. 581 calories burned. Leaving me with a net calorie intake of 544. I don’t think these numbers are completely horrible, as they look low, but it’s only AFTER I have had my workouts or done activity. So I did give Lippy a break tonight, but only for that reason….I would have burned an additional 300-500 calories if I would have done that as well…plus I started re-decorating the girls bedroom today. For $30 I got paint and new border for their bedroom. Most of you already know they are completely horse-crazy, so I found a really pretty light pinkish/tan color paint to keep it bright and girly in there and a really great horse border to put up. So I also spent about an hour and a half today, painting. I won’t even tell you how many calories that burned, because my JENN-MOM will yell at me even more. LOL. But it does look great so far, I can’t wait to see the border up as well!! I will post *cough* pictures *cough* when it’s finished

What I AM looking forward to is tomorrow’s weigh in. Do you know it’s been 3 whole days since I have touched the scale??? I swear that is a record for me. I’m excited to see any change what-so-ever.

I feel better about myself this week. When I look in the mirror or see my reflection, I don’t cringe. I’m not picking out every stinking thing that I hate about myself when I see that reflection. That is a daily thing for me. I’m so critical of myself. I went shopping a few months ago with my cousin, and by the end of the night, I was annoying myself, even, by all the negative things I had to say about myself. I’m not nice to me.

I look forward to another week full of CONTROL. Self-control. Food-control. Weight loss-control. Nice-to-me-control. I need more of this positive feeling and more self-confidence. It’s a lovely thing.

I am feeling chatty, have alot on my mind, so pull up a chair.

A quick YAY ME. Normal day, me and Meggie @ work, then picked up Abbie from school instead of Clint because he had to work late. We met him at Bob Evans for dinner. I had only had 9 pts. before dinner, so I used 10.5 pts. at Bob Evans… Ok, so now for the YAY ME. We get home, I had a popcicle (0 pts. for 2) and sat down to watch a movie. I looked to Clint to tell me that it was ‘ok’ for me to skip Lippy just one night when I asked him if it would be a big deal if I did skip it. Of course he’s all ‘no, a night off isn’t a bad thing’…HUGE sigh of relief, because someone gave me the ‘ok’ to not HAVE to exercise. The longer I sat the more guilty I felt. I was *this close* to falling asleep and it was eating at me. I got up, stomped over to my shoes, grumbled to myself for letting my concious get the best of me….and busted ass on Lippy.

While watching the movie (28 Days, Sandra Bullock…my FAVORITE actress), completely didn’t think of time at all, kept the lights off so I couldn’t see the time on the screen on Lippy, and did 30 minutes. I burned…get this…573 calories! WOOT.

I had found before (and can’t now for the life of me) a site that mentioned that if you want to figure approx. how many calories you are eating per day while just counting points, you multiply the Points you have eaten by 50 and that is approx. how many calories. Well, for how low my points have been the past couple of days (I did miss the 20 pt. minimum today by just 0.5 pt.) multiplied that by 50, and then subtract what I have burned on Lippy and I’m just over 1200 calories TOTAL for the past 3 DAYS. That’s not good. I should be at 1000 - 1200 calories per DAY. Need to change that.

Tomorrow we have a reverse raffle. Al-kee-hol, dancing, should be fun! The alcohol may make up my calorie deficit right there…we’ll see…I should be good though…will regret it Monday morning if I don’t. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Love when the motivation lasts more than an hour. Two days now. TWO. DAYS. I feel great Pathetic, huh?

I have changed the 2nd link ^ up there ^ from the challenge page I had set up to now show my daily activity. It lists the date, my points for the day, activity points if I have earned any, and whatever exercise for the day that I accomplished. Dont’ freak when you see my points for the past 2 days. It’s been really low. I also know you’re not supposed to go under 20 points per day, so don’t yell at me. This is where my mind needs to be right now.

I have said it before, but here goes again. I’m an all-or-nothing person. If I eat, I eat. If I want to lose weight, I can’t eat. I get in a mind-set where I can control my eating. I pay attention to when I am truly hungry and I chose wisely. That is what is happening right now. I’m not hungry. When I am, I eat something sensible. I am taking full advantage of this while it lasts because I also know, too well, mind you, that there is going to be that one day of the month where I want to munch on everything in sight. Enjoying this while I can.

I am also drinking about 6-8 cups of green tea everyday lately. LOVE.IT. I started taking Dexatrim Max. Not because I want a ‘diet-drug’…not what I’m about. I was looking for just plain old Dexatrim at Wal-Mart just to help keep hunger away until my probably oversized stomach gets used to the idea of not being stretched to the max with food. Think I could find any? Nope. All there was was the Dexatrim Max, and it’s basically the same as plain old Dexatrim, but it is supposed to enhance your metabolism. I have had no nasty jitters, no weird heart beats, nothing. So for now I’m going to try and it and see if it helps the hunger. Yesterday and today so far, it’s working like a charm. Please don’t yell at me for that either.

Ok…it’s late, I’m pooped, and my alarm clock goes off WAY to early. Oh, and in case you haven’t realized, I totally suck at posting pictures here. Soon, I promise.

No. Guilt. And. Move. On.

I have been lax. Major. I gained back one pound this week. Doesn’t seem like a ton, but when you are trying to lose weight for what seems like constantly, your whole life, eternity (you get the picture), that is just one more pound you have to RE-tackle. Oh well.

What I have done to remedy it all, is I went shopping. Doesn’t shopping just fix it all?? I went to Wal-Mart last night. I got good WW-friendly foods. WW-friendly snacks. Some Smart Ones for my lunches at work. Fruit (which I’m liking less and less, as I’m craving veggies more) for some snacks. Clint and I have agreed that we are going to try one new food / recipe every week. That is awesome, as he won’t try much new at all. Last week it was Guacamole. I LOVE guacamole. That could attribute to the gain. It’s not the healthiest, but dang was it good. This week, I bought a squash, and have a simple recipe from Hungry Girl to make healthy fries from it.

I cannot get enough of Hungry Girl (The link is on the right > over there > ) There is constantly new information, recipes and healthy tips, I love visiting that site. /end plug.

I still owe you all pictures. My bad. I have them already in my computer, sized, everything, but everytime I get a chance to post here, it’s been at work. I will make the time to turn on my computer at home (which is probably going through major withdrawls by this point) and put them here. I have pictures of our wall unit we built, a couple great ones of the girls, who knows what else. I may even slip one in of myself…I’ll surprise you

I also have to work on getting the information up about the numbness in my feet from Lippy. Thank you to all of you for all of your comments and ideas on the cause of this. I found a TON of information on the net finally and am piecing it all together and will post that on my tips page, soon as I can. I want the information out there for any of you that may also be experiencing the same numbness / pain, and not that I’m glad you all are having the same trouble, but I’m very glad it’s not just me…far from it actually. I can’t believe the responses here and what I have read with sooo many people with the same troubles. I was worried I had some kind of condition, myself…so it’s actually a relief for me.

Weather. Let’s talk weather. Ohio weather especially. It. Sucks. I was ‘just’ getting the spring fever thing going on, outside daily, working on cleaning up the yard, and then what?? S-N-O-W (Shitty Nasty Old Whitestuff…hee hee). There is probably 2 inches on the ground. It was just 70 degrees the other day. I want spring weather. I want to walk at lunch-time, I want to get my bike out from the basement and go for bike rides again. Lippy is wonderful, but there is no comparison when you get outdoors!! Know what I want this year? ROLLERBLADES…yeah, I know what you’re thinking… ‘Lisa, they came out 20 years ago, hello???’…yeah, my answer?? I’m scared of them. I tried my brothers out about 10 years ago, and got on the road at my parents and thought it would be a sinch. Well, for one thing, the stopper is on the HEEL, not the toe like roller skating is, my parents paved road is one of the side roads where it’s got the small incline to the center of the road and gradually declines to allow water run-off, right?? I got to the peak of the center, and started rolling downwards towards the ditch (see where this is going???)…yeah, couldn’t stop the suckers. Wiped. Out. I couldn’t have been going 1/4 mile per hour and I swear I could hear the wind zooming by me, I was going so fast. Can’t stop. How on earth do I learn? Maybe in my basement, where no one can see me? Think so. So any rollerblading tips you all would want to share with me would be wonderful. I’m talking gear, how-to, anything! I’m gonna be all padded up like the toilet paper commercials…oh yeah…

I promise to get pictures up here soon. Even a couple of myself may slip in here or there…we got the wall unit that we built, completed. There are 2 drawers that we still need to make, but other than that, it’s complete, along with two adorable brushed silver lamps with dark red square lamp shades that sit on the mantel now. It’s amazing the difference it has made to our house. So I will post soon!!!

Eating is going amazing. Exercising is going amazing, though a bit painful. I did 20 minutes of weight training Monday night and tonight, 30 minutes on Lippy Monday and tonight. I have muscles that I didn’t know were included with your body. Every time I move, a new pain arises. I will work through it though!

I found out a TON of information on the numb foot thing. I am going to get that all organized and post it as well for those of you out there having the same trouble. Basically, it’s the pressure that is put on the ball of your foot cutting off blood flow. There are tips to help lessen the numbness also, so I will try and get that up here tomorrow so hopefully it will help someone else as well, ASAP.

I don’t even want to post this, for fear of jinxing myself, but the scale is down…and very nicely I might add. I hope that you all are having continued success as well!!!

I’m ready for the weekend, already.

UPDATE ~ I worked out awesomely tonight. I did 25 minutes of weight training (earning 2 AP’s) and did 30 minutes on Lippy (earning 2 AP’s and burned 309 calories), even though BOTH of my feet were completely numb. I am going right now to do a search on this foot thing. It’s driving me batty. I bought expensive ‘Nike Shox’ shoes, because they are MADE for this kind of activity, I have lowered the tension on the thing, anything I can think of…now I’m going to search for an answer…I will post if I find something that may be helpful to you all or someone you know…

EARLIER ~
Not a drop to report. Perfect maintain. Saturday night’s reverse raffle / alcohol consumption / dance-fest may have something to do with it.

Tina left me a comment about reducing the tension on Lippy to help with my foot numbness. I have done this. I actually changed it to a ‘1′ the lowest it goes and was on it for a longer period of time and yet the same thing happens with the numbness in my foot. And, yeah, I AM obsessed with burning calories…but the theory is, more calories burned and less calories taken in = weight loss, and I AM after all, here for weight loss…so I try to maximize the amount of calories that I burn in a period of time. I wouldn’t call that obsessive…I just try and get as much out of a workout as I can. I will never not post a comment by anyone with any constructive criticism…the only thing I would ever censor would be downright nasty personal comments, spam, that kind of stuff…so please feel free to keep commenting…anyone’s thoughts and ideas can really give me a boost and new ideas to try when something isn’t going quite right.

Thanks to you all for you comments and encouragement lately! It means alot that you are always here for me!

I’m hooked. Again. Green Tea. I am having 4-5 cups a day just during work hours. It’s Decaf…don’t worry…like I need one more thing to wind me up…nuh-uh. I seriously love it. And it’s helping me with my appetite as well. When I’m feeling the grum-bellies, I have a cup and it holds me over awhile longer. I’m breaking the ‘eating-because-it’s-time-to’ habit. I’m listening to my body. I’m such a good girl, ain’t I?? I just feel completely focused once again. I love this feeling. It’s like a natural high. I feel good about myself (for the most part), I feel confident and happy

So, the scale is being my friend still also…making things even better

I got on Lippy last night for a quick 15 minute run. She whined a bit, but wasn’t as bad as I expected. Myself and my feet are a different story. I upped the tension on the Elliptical to burn more calories, but then my foot gets numb even faster…sucks. But I did do it… and tonight…20 minutes it will be. I’m going to build the time back up again.

Weigh in was yesterday. My first week back on WW. Well, following it closer and online at least. I was down 2 lbs. Not too bad I was hoping for more, but I will take anything because I still haven’t gotten my butt in gear on exercise. Poor Lippy has probably frozen in place from sitting so long with no use, other than the dirty clothes that she hangs onto so nicely for Clint, or the occasional little workout she gets when Abbie hops on to see how fast she can go in reverse.

Clint, skinny man that he already is, has decided that he’s cutting out the crap for a while. I don’t know how on earth he does it. He’s skinny. He thinks he’s not. The man thrives on candy bars for snacks at work, McDonalds several times a week for breakfast if he’s hungry (instead of eating at home before he leaves)…whatever he feels like out of the machine at work if he’s hungry before lunch, which usually means some kind of sweet pastry thing. He says he needs that sugar in the morning to get going. Here I am…feeling guilty about just about every bite that goes into my mouth, can’t lose a pound unless I starve, and then there’s him…crap-ola is his diet and skinny man…oh well…men suck. Well, at least THAT part does…he’s a good man otherwise… So he’s focusing more on the calorie contents of things and packed salads with grilled chicken for his lunches and fruits for snacks, stuff like that. Thing is, his sudden change of diet has also been a boost for me. It’s like I don’t feel so ‘alone’ with it all. He’s never had a weight problem. He is supportive…very supportive. But all he has to do to lose weight is cut out one snack a day. Boom, 10 lbs. gone. It’s kind of nice to have someone in the house being concious of it all as well. Gives me confidence to do this…

Now for the ‘feelin’ old’…My mom is out of town for the week for work. That leaves me to man the office alone for the most part. Megan is still coming with me, and seems to be tiring of the toys and stuff she has here to keep her busy. So we all went to Wal-mart last night to pick up a few things and decided to get her a few new little things to have at work to keep her interest. I got the bright idea of finding her some new Colorforms.

Here’s the clincher. PLEASE please PLEASE tell me you all know what Colorforms are?!?!?!?! Clint didn’t have the foggiest idea. The lady in the FRIGGIN TOY DEPARTMENT at Wal-Mart had no idea. She decided that it would be the same thing if she sent me to the material/craft section of the store and use the SELF-ADHESIVE FOAM SHAPES. Just in case you all don’t know, and maybe I’m dating myself, but Colorforms are the coolest thing EVER. They usually come in a box like a board game box. There is a background of some sort, I had one when I was little of Holly Hobbie. The ’stickers’ that go on it are like a window sticker. Completely removable and reusable. You put the different stickers on the background to create a scene. Make sense?? I was floored that no one knew what they were!!! I did get lucky enough to find two small ‘travel’ sets of Colorforms, one Dora and one Spongebob. Other than that, nothing. Am I really that old?????