Less Lisa

I’m sure you all who read me often enough, know I’m not a morning person, therefore know and completely understand that I did NOT get up at 4:30 a.m. to do my workout.  Do good intentions count towards any calories burned???  Didn’t think so.

However, I was up at 4:30 a.m.  Clint’s work called him at 4:20 a.m. to have him come in early.  Think I should have taken that as a sign?  If it wasn’t a wooden sign that literally smacked me upside the head, I can guarantee I wouln’t have taken it.  I seriously don’t even remember the thought of ‘hmmm…I’m awake, maybe I’ll get up and get on Lippy’…don’t even think that thought existed at that time.  So I slept until 6:00 a.m.

Tonight is ‘family night’.  Typically, rent a movie and order pizza (’white’ thin crust with tomatoes and mushrooms for me).  But tonight we are heading out to the movies.  ‘Flicka’ opens today and that’s going to be our movie for the night.  I have no trouble avoiding the popcorn and snacks at the theater…not sure why that is, but it is.  So I’ll have me my diet coke and be happy. 

Afterwards, I will have to find something to fill my calories for the day, then it’s back to the Lipster for another workout. 

Wanna know the secret to my getting 30 minutes in?  I broke it up in short-break intervals.  I had DVR’d The Biggest Loser from the night before, and I started the show.  I didn’t look at my readout at ALL during the show.  I ran until the first commercial break.  I stepped off of Lippy and stood at the wall and did 20 side leg lifts on each side, fast forwarded through the rest of the commercial break and when the show started I got back on Lippy and ran till the next break…I did that throughout the entire show except for the very last segment.  It gave my feet a break so there was no numbness.  Pretty cool.

Today though, couple blisters on the sides of my one foot is the worst of the pain.

Also, wanted to update on Clint.  We FINALLY got his blood results back this morning and he tested positive for Crohn’s Disease.  When all of the cards were stacked against us, this is what we were hoping for over cancer.  Now that cancer had been ruled out, we were hoping for a clear diagnosis.  I thought I would be ok with the diagnosis if it did come back Crohn’s, but I’m not.  I think once it settles I will be, but right now the ‘mom’ in me wants to search and search the net.  He took it pretty good.  He’s more concerned with having to have a colostomy bag at any point.

Just 2 words…

FREAKING YEAH!!!!

I flippin’ kicked ass on Lippy tonight…I burned over 700 calories in just under 29 minutes. 

Seeing that kind of number and the motivation I’m feeling almost makes me want to get up early in the morning, say 4:30 a.m. and actually get in another 1/2 hour!! 

Almost…

You guys rock.  Completely making my day with all the love you left me already on my last post…you guys are amazing.

I’m feeling SO pumped today.  I think it’s *smacks-head-DUH* exercise.  What a theory, huh?  Who’da thunk it?  I got on Lippy last night for 20 minutes.  She done hurt me.  Not really, just made me stinky and drippy.  In 20 minutes last night with my tention set to ‘10′ I burned 498 calories…freaking AWESOME.  Tention on ‘10′ is a workout let me tell you…my muscles can feel every step once I get to the 20 minute mark.

I have a confession…I haven’t been on Lippy in a long time.  At LEAST a month.  Even though I have done other activity, Lippy was left completely alone.  The funny part was, the longer I stayed away from her, the more intimidating she became.  I was literally SCARED of her…what kind of nonsense is that?!?!?  I was scared to death to get on the freaking thing.  I still can’t pinpoint why.  Fear of breathing heavy?  Fear of sweating?  Maybe just the fear of defeat of not being able to accomplish a typical run time after staying away from her so long…that could be it.  Defeat.

But, I done did it.  I ran on her and loved every minute.  I had to work on my breathing a bit, and my feet didn’t bother me (numbness) until the VERY end, I could feel that coming on, and when it was over, it was the best feeling of accomplishment ever.  Today I’m flying high, because when I walked in, I had someone tell me my face looks ‘thin’ today…what a great compliment.  I know one day of exercise isn’t capable of making a change, but it definitely makes me want to repeat the great day I had yesterday so that the changes keep coming.

Don’t even know what to write about…Lost focus, found focus.  Clothes were looser, now, not so much.  Work.  Doctors.  Kids.  Schools.  A ‘date’ night.  Lots going on, just all sounds boring here.

I did lose focus completely with everything with Clint that was going on, and for some reason I’m at a point right now, where I feel as if I write about what I’m doing to maintain the focus I have regained, that I will, once again, jinx it all;  which also makes me feel guilty about leaving you all out of everything that is going on.  Weird place to be.

I’m missing my wonderful online friends…Karen, Elizabeth, Jenn, Mel, etc. because I haven’t been able to be here much, which also means lack of visits to keep up on everyone, or e-mailing to keep in touch…I suck at all that right now and I apologize. 

Me and my computer worked out a pretty cool program (I think I mentioned that before) that tracks my calories and all, and I’m holding on for dear life to cling to it because, after all, journaling and tracking it what keeps us accountable.  My waer intake has again improved and is my main source of fluids, except for the two cups of coffee I allow myself in the morning (which I don’t add milk anymore, just splenda). 

So a vague post recap:  I’m focused.  I know what needs to be done and where I need to be and it’s slowly coming together.  I feel guilty that I have been so slow in my progress lately that it is also a letdown to the readers that used to find my progress inspiring or motivating.  I feel like I lost that motivating person for a bit, but she will prevail

Hmmm…seeing’s how things were so stressful just a handful of days ago, this site has been neglected as to my weight. 

So, you ask, IS there any news?  Uh, nope. 

You can see the changes here I’m sure in design.  I’m still learning the whole WordPress thing, so bear with me, as there may be a different layout each time you visit until I find one that makes me feel ‘comfortable’.  You know, you have been to those sites where you literally can’t visit there one more second because it’s either really *blinkie* or just another version of the author’s junk drawer at home.  Either way, until I feel content, I will probably be switching themes till I’m happy. 

That is, if I could STOP GETTING ERRORS from WordPress when I try and change them!!! 

Alright.  That is all.  I will post more weight loss stuff hopefully next post.  Till then, bear with my boring life antics.

Man what a long day. 

We got Clint to the hospital @ 12:45 p.m.  His colonoscopy was scheduled for 1:45 p.m. ’cept for the doctor was 2-1/2 hours behind schedule.  Clint never got taken back until 3:45.  He was back to me, still sound asleep from the anesthesia, at 4:20. 

About an hour later, he was still really groggy and the Dr. came in to talk to us.  Clint is perfectly healthy!!  There is NO cancer.  I can’t even tell you how LOUDLY I thanked God right then and there and cried.  This was such an emotional day and I just couldn’t take one more second.  That was the hugest relief of my life.

Because of the original cancer diagnosis, the doctor when through his entire large AND small intestine as well.  There were some swollen lymph nodes in the small intestine, so he did remove those and sent them out for a biopsy just to be sure, but he said that those being swollen are perfectly normal in young people.  He also had bloodwork done, because there is stil some concern over Crohn’s Disease…we won’t know the results of either test for 2 more weeks.

All I know is that I have my husband healthy.  I explained to Abbie tonight, first that Daddy is FINE…they met him at the door (after screaming through the window when they saw us pull in the driveway, and hugged him so tightly.  I did tell Abbie why I’ve been so worried and explained the scare of cancer…her first reaction???  “It sure was a good thing I prayed so hard for daddy, wasn’t it???”  Clint and I both got a bit teary…Clint must have told her 10 times tonight ‘thank you for all of the prayers!  It worked!!’….what better way to show a child what God can do?  Nothing better than having her daddy healthy.

Thank you ALL for all of the thoughts and prayers…I truly believe in my heart that they worked…here’s a man that was so sick just 3 weeks ago and all of these ‘what ifs’ swirling around him, and he himself preparing to hear the worst and making sure that we were going to be taken care of ‘just in case’…to now just being goofy from the anesthesia…besides being blessed with our daughters, it’s the BEST answered prayer ever, I swear.

The day has finally come…Clint’s colonoscopy is tomorrow.  This post may seem a little negative, but I truly just need to get all of these thoughts out of my head…once they are here, it’s usually a little less on my mind.

I’m full of all of so many emotions, that I can’t distinquish which one is prevailing at this point.  Anger? Scared shitless??  Hopeful??  Who knows.

I have the minimal faith that the hospital that did the CT scan last month has screwed up once again and is saying cancer to yet another patient, when there is nothing there…for this hospital, it wouldn’t be the first time.  I’m praying that they wrote ‘colon cancer’ on Clint’s chart by accident and it was really meant for someone else that has been an unbelieveably horrible person and deserves such a hellish diagnosis a million times more than my husband does.

But, I do have the utmost faith in God himself, who will, no matter what the outcome of tomorrow, will pull us through everything that is possibly about to be thrown at us, or bless us in the most beautiful way and bring my husband through this procedure with a clean bill of health.

One last plea to each of you to please send prayers and postive thoughts for my dear man.  After the initial shock of the first diagnosis, we have done everything we could this past month to keep a positive happy face.  We have avoided the topic.  Today I think it’s getting to both of us.  Clint mentioned to me earlier that no matter what kind of news we get tomorrow, we need to come home, put on our happy faces one more time and get Abbie’s homework and reading out of the way before we discuss anything with the girls. 

PLEASE pray for us that we do not have to give our daughters ANY kind of devasating news…PLEASE pray to God that we will NOT have to imagine our lives without daddy…PLEASE pray that all of this worry was for nothing and that God has answered our prayers and Clint is as healthy as ever.

PLEASE just pray.

Weekends suck when you diet.  I blew it this weekend.  My own doings.

Remember that jinx I thought I removed from myself after the last post?  Must’a not.

Anyways, bad weekend full of good food and friends has me feeling bloated and blah today, but I’ve packed my Special K breakfast, and got myself a huge salad with Chick peas and slivered almonds and FF dressing for lunch and a banana for a snack, and I’m good to go and back on track.

Weekends are so hard.  WHY?  I have self-control (or so I thought)…I seem to do so much better during the week when I have a schedule…work keeps me busy so I don’t have a problem there, but when I’m home all day on weekends, it’s tough…even though I worked my butt off in the house this weekend, I doubt it counteracted the food.

Just have to step up workouts this week and hope for the best next weekend.  We’re having a fancy tea party for the girls’ birthday party on Saturday, so I will be able to figure my calories before hand and behave myself. 

At least it’s not taking me weeks at a time to get back on track anymore…I have found the control to jump back on when I should…which actually should have been 2 days ago, but hey…today’s pretty good

I’m working on the site, so for right now, all you can probably view are the entries…I’ll have the links working as soon as I can!! 

I have set up a new re-direct to automatically take you from https://lesslisa.com to https://lesslisa.com/wp if you can update your bookmarks, please do, otherwise, I have the redirect set up permanently, so no worries.  Just hit ‘refresh’ if you still see my old site. 

Until I typed that heading, I didn’t realize how great that is…I have been perfectly on track for 6…SIX…this many: IIIIII….days!!!  How awesome is that?!?!?  I feel amazing.  I have not once this past (almost) week had that ‘my stomach feels like it weighs 20 lbs. more than the food I just consumed’ kinda blah feeling.  I love it.  I feel light, my rings are spinning on my finger once again…

I have not and will not attempt the scale.  I’m focusing on my clothes.  The next time I want to step on a scale is when the pants I’m wearing right now (which are baggy, btw) absolutely do not fit me.  I’m judging my BODY not my weight.  After having the scale be AWOL for quite some time (and no, I haven’t had Clint even bring it out ONCE) I do believe I have broken my addiction.  I worry that when I see that scale again, that all of those warm, compulsive feelings will come rushing back, but I do believe I will be able to handle it. 

I don’t crave it anymore…I know that I’m not happy with my results yet, so I know it’s not time to stop yet.  Simple as that.  I’m no longer judging myself on a number.  It took me YEARS to get to that place and that kind of thinking and it’s a huge step that I, for now, am feeling really good about.  Now to work on the self-esteem / self-worth issues and I just may be a pretty happy girl! 

I have learned many things about myself this past week.  I have had one amazing e-mail discussion with Stephanie this past week (THANK YOU STEPHANIE) and realized I’m NOT alone.  I realized that if I think that SHE is worth all of the work and effort she puts into her weight loss, why don’t I think I’M worth it?  I’m working on that answer, but I have a feeling that it will eventually come to me.

It’s funny to me how other people perceive me.  I was talking to my cousin and she was telling me about a guy that she likes, but he’s not confident enough and it’s kind of a turn-off.  After we talked about it, I said to her (in a joking manner of course) “I’m not a confident person, you don’t love me???”…she told me that I don’t come off as not being confident at all…Guess I hide it well, huh?  I think my sense of humor gets me through alot of that.  As much as I feel as though I’m outgoing, that doesn’t mean to me that I’m confident.  The entire time I will be talking to someone, I can hear ‘me’ in the back of my head worrying that my shirt has come up too far and someone may be able to see my belly, or that someone behind me is probably talking to their friends about how big they think my butt is…guess I’m my own worst critic.

To sum up all of this…I’m doing really well…I feel better…I’m still a project in progress, and making the best of it.  Maybe today just feels like a positive day and maybe I will see things completely different tomorrow.  Today?  I’m running with it!

Wanted to add:  My average daily calorie intake these past 6 days so far is 962.  There were only two days where I got 1200 calories in…this is all before exercise…so I need to get a bit more calories in, but I’m creating a nice calorie deficit at this point