Less Lisa

Until I typed that heading, I didn’t realize how great that is…I have been perfectly on track for 6…SIX…this many: IIIIII….days!!!  How awesome is that?!?!?  I feel amazing.  I have not once this past (almost) week had that ‘my stomach feels like it weighs 20 lbs. more than the food I just consumed’ kinda blah feeling.  I love it.  I feel light, my rings are spinning on my finger once again…

I have not and will not attempt the scale.  I’m focusing on my clothes.  The next time I want to step on a scale is when the pants I’m wearing right now (which are baggy, btw) absolutely do not fit me.  I’m judging my BODY not my weight.  After having the scale be AWOL for quite some time (and no, I haven’t had Clint even bring it out ONCE) I do believe I have broken my addiction.  I worry that when I see that scale again, that all of those warm, compulsive feelings will come rushing back, but I do believe I will be able to handle it. 

I don’t crave it anymore…I know that I’m not happy with my results yet, so I know it’s not time to stop yet.  Simple as that.  I’m no longer judging myself on a number.  It took me YEARS to get to that place and that kind of thinking and it’s a huge step that I, for now, am feeling really good about.  Now to work on the self-esteem / self-worth issues and I just may be a pretty happy girl! 

I have learned many things about myself this past week.  I have had one amazing e-mail discussion with Stephanie this past week (THANK YOU STEPHANIE) and realized I’m NOT alone.  I realized that if I think that SHE is worth all of the work and effort she puts into her weight loss, why don’t I think I’M worth it?  I’m working on that answer, but I have a feeling that it will eventually come to me.

It’s funny to me how other people perceive me.  I was talking to my cousin and she was telling me about a guy that she likes, but he’s not confident enough and it’s kind of a turn-off.  After we talked about it, I said to her (in a joking manner of course) “I’m not a confident person, you don’t love me???”…she told me that I don’t come off as not being confident at all…Guess I hide it well, huh?  I think my sense of humor gets me through alot of that.  As much as I feel as though I’m outgoing, that doesn’t mean to me that I’m confident.  The entire time I will be talking to someone, I can hear ‘me’ in the back of my head worrying that my shirt has come up too far and someone may be able to see my belly, or that someone behind me is probably talking to their friends about how big they think my butt is…guess I’m my own worst critic.

To sum up all of this…I’m doing really well…I feel better…I’m still a project in progress, and making the best of it.  Maybe today just feels like a positive day and maybe I will see things completely different tomorrow.  Today?  I’m running with it!

Wanted to add:  My average daily calorie intake these past 6 days so far is 962.  There were only two days where I got 1200 calories in…this is all before exercise…so I need to get a bit more calories in, but I’m creating a nice calorie deficit at this point