Yes…259!!!!!!!!!! I’m FINALLY out of the 260’s…this feels AWESOME!!!! And, get this, I even just started my TOM…and I’m STILL out of the 260’s…yes, I said, OUT OF THE 260′S…

I’m a bit excited.

I actually took some time for ME last night and went shopping. I took my cousin with me, she’s 22, to get some honest opinions and help…she was awesome. I found 2 really cute outfits at Lane Bryant that can also mix-n-match with a couple pieces I have here already to make a couple more outfits. I am SO tickled. I also went to Lady Foot Locker and bought myself a pair of cross trainers. This should help the numbness I experience while on Lippy. I, in all of my inexperienced little mind, had assumed since running would have the most impact when exercising, that I should get running shoes and that would work no matter what kind of exercise I was doing, as it should have the most shock absorption, right?? WRONG. Boy was I wrong. So I was told to get cross trainers. They are VERY sturdy and firm support on the soles. They feel amazing. I have trouble with my feet wanting to roll out when I walk, and I have found that is what causes the pains on the outer sides of my lower legs. THESE should fix that also, as they have a ’stability’ to them. They don’t allow your feet to ‘roll’…I was told to stay away from any shoe that has the little ’shocks’ in the heel that you can usually see…if you have the ‘foot rolling out to the side’ kinda thing happening, completely avoid the ones with the little ’shocks’ in ‘em…I learned alot about me feet last night. weird.

I also learned how much I’m not happy with myself at ALL. I kid you not, I have realized that I literally come up with a way to shoot down EVERYTHING that others thought looked really good on me. That is how low my self-esteem is. I mean, even shoes. I am 6 foot tall. I wear a size 9. I love feet…don’t ask me why I said that, but I think feet are really cute…well, as long as there’s nothing fuzzy, yellow or nasty oozing from them…but I always notice people’s shoes, feet, etc.

Anyways…to stop the rambling…even my feet I feel really self-concious about like my feet are so big. Being 6 foot tall and wearing a size 9 is not big in the least. I know a 15 year old girl that wears a 9 and she’s a good 6 inches shorter than me, and her feet don’t look big at all…so again, I avoid any shoe with a longer narrow/pointier toe on them for fear they make my feet look bigger…I find ones that have a more rounded toe (for my tennis shoes I’m talking)…

I found SOMETHING wrong with every part of me last night. I realized I completely do NOT like myself at ALL. Inside, I truly do. I love who I am. I love that I smile ALL the time, I love that I can make people laugh, I love that I’m a very sincere person…there’s alot ABOUT me that I do like, but physically, I don’t like myself at all.

The weight coming off as it was this morning, is truly going to help that. I just know it. The outfits I found last night felt SO awesome to know I actually had some ’style’…I’m a t-shirt kinda girl, only because I don’t take time or money for myself. I make sure my kids are dressed adorably as I go without, which most mom’s would. But I seem to be the only mom around me that I know that has let myself go. Everyone else always looks nice. Nice hair, nice clothes, nails painted, you name it. I don’t take that time for myself, and I’m realizing that is definitely something that is holding me back from getting on that losing streak that I was on, what seems forever ago.

So, today, and here on out…I have moved myself up on the ‘to-do’ list. I’m not at the top, my family is already there, but I am definitely going to give myself permission to work on me. I’m WORTH it!!!