You guys…this sounds crazy even for me to write this…but guess what I felt last night while lying in bed…
Ok…BESIDES that! HA!
I freaking laid on my back and my hand brushed my hip…lo and behold I have a HIP BONE!!! That was THE coolest feeling ever. I have some definition happening in my arms…I’m getting ‘curvy’ now instead of ‘lumpy’…seriously…I feel SOO much better about myself it’s not even funny.
I don’t even remember the last time I have felt even the smidge of confidence in myself, so this is an overwhelming feeling right now, and I’m actually enjoying it! I have always felt that people would look at me and feel that they were better than me, thinner than me, prettier than me, you name it…I was low man on the totem pole in my book. EVERYONE was better. It’s funny but now that I’m feeling confident about myself, I feel like the looks I get now are that of GOOD ones…not judging me.
Isn’t it funny how your own mind dictates what is really not complete reality in alot of situations? What I mean is, just as I said above…I feel better, so I assume others are more admiring, and when I have a crappy-about-me day, I feel everyone sees me as so nasty and disgusting…I probably bring on alot of my stress about myself, myself. I know I do. I think we all see ourselves as MUCH worse that we truly are. I can honestly say I understand how they say an anorexic looks in the mirror and still sees a fat body can totally be true…it’s all about our self-image and self-worth…I’m learning alot lately, and realizing that I’m better and stronger than I think I am.