I’m still here
Sorry for my site being down for a few days…my site was switched to a new server, and it took longer than I thought it would to get back up and running, but all is fine now
Well, here’s a not-so-great update on me, which has a good ending though, in a way…
Well, I weighed in today, at 252. That is actually up one lb. from last week, but I’m also having my monthly visitor, so I’m not worrying too much about that number…We had my family reunion yesterday…it was alot of fun to be with everyone again…we need to do that more often, I miss my family sometimes. All of us ‘youngins’ went out afterwards to a couple of clubs here in town, and I had a few to drink and a couple shots to top it off…I’m not one to go out and dance unless I’m so stupid drunk that I don’t care. This is not to say that I can’t have fun without being drunk…cuz that’s SO not the case, but with dancing in a crowd, it seems to help me loosen up a bit…even though they literally DRUG me up on the dance floor…HAHAH…anyways, I have been at a stall in my weight loss, and not really feeling that strong hatred for myself that actually got this whole ball rolling…I was getting more comfortable and positive about myself when I had lost the first 50 lbs. and lost that feeling that was to keep me motivated. Well, last night I found that hatred again. I was fine early on in the night and having a ball…then as I stood there with my husband behind me in this club, we were talking with my cousin (a male)…we were chatting, and I started becoming VERY conciously aware of all the skinniness that was showing itself all around me. I thought I had beat this feeling, and was becoming stronger in how I felt about myself, but this night proved otherwise. Once that uncomfortable ‘I’m the biggest person here’ feeling came over me, my night was over. Then while talking with my cousin, he noticed a larger girl out on the dance floor and she was having a ball, dancing, having a good old time…well, while I’m admiring her confidence in herself, and wishing I could be the same way, he blurts out ‘NOBODY that is 200 lbs. should be out on that floor…’ BAM my night became even worse…
Although I am 6 foot tall and may not LOOK like I weigh what I do, this KILLED me…here I am at 250, and he’s one of the ones trying to get me out on the dance floor, while all the while this is what is going through the back of his head??? NO big girls should be up there?!?!?!? So, of course, I begin to think about things a bit too much and wonder how many OTHER people are thinking the same nasty thing about me when *I* was up there?!??…needless to say, we ended up leaving before any of the 12 others that were all out with us. SUCKS.
The good part of all of this, (there ALWAYS has to be a positive to everything, right?!?!) is that I have now gotten that MOTIVATION back. I want this weight loss more than you can possibly imagine (well, most of you probably can)…and I’m going to do it…Maybe I do need to go out more and be in that atmosphere and keep my butt in check…I think that when I sit at home, and I’m not around alot of people, I lose sight of what I’m working towards…to see those skinny things around all the time, really does keep me focused.
So, get ready to see some number droppings again, and I am going to start a new weight loss chart on my main site, and archive the one up now…it’s getting pretty long and harder to read, so I’m going to start fresh with a new one…hopefully tomorrow I can get to that, I have alot of work to do tonight. I hope you all had a wonderful 4th
Lisa…you and I girl. We both came to this at the same time. lol I saw my cousin who is probably at about 200lbs and 5′11 and she looked sexy and just beautiful inside and out. I had to ask myself how on earth is she able to have all this self confidence. This girl has gone thru hell and back and she is living her life and having a ball.
You have to find the beauty from within you and do things to make you the beautiful woman you know you are while working on the weight. The weight isn’t going to make you feel better…you have to discover what it is inside of you that makes you feel so bad.
Come by my journal…you will read about my ephiney. lol
Hugs!!
BIG HUGS Lisa! You can do it! I am so sorry for that thoughtless comment:-( That kind of opinions do not count at all, because they only address the outside! Who would like a skinny person who is nasty? Nobody. So it is the inside that counts, not the outside! I am trying to lose weight, too, and your blog is always such an encouragement:o) Blessings to your day!
Hugs,
Emilia:o)
That comment sucked, and I know how much it hurt you. You are a better person for turning it around and making something positive from it. Consider the source and know that this is a person who has never been in our shoes or ever even remotely had to deal with it. I know it still doesn’t excuse ignorance, you or I would never have made such a comment, ever. Just keep your chin up and shake it off. Besides I thought you were groovin’ on that dance floor, (pardon the expression) but screw everyone else. You only live once! Love you!!
Lisa,
I don’t know if you remember me, but I use to run the LOSING MARY site? Well, my website got taken down by a hacker or something and I haven’t the strength to spend the two years it took to make the site again. I made a new site, but it’s one of those E-Beggar sites, so blah. I’m upset that Geocities let someone do that to my site, bastards.
Anyway, I totally KNOW what you mean. I can feel totally beautiful one minute but then a look, or maybe not being looked at, makes me feel like the fattest chick in the whole world. I can never get over that horrible feeling.
You’ve inspired me to try again and see what happens. I got off my diet and gained almost all my weight back (Midwest winter excuse — fill in the blank), but I decided I have to lose the weight for me — and really stick with it this time.
No more jumping from Atkins to high-carbs, just DOING it with a low-fat healthy diet, like I originally intended to stick on.
Life gets in the way, sometimes. I’ll check in again.