December Journal

December 29, 2001 ~Good evening :) Not a whole lot to post about today...just wanted to check in and say HI to all of you!!

One wonderful thing happened today though!! It was like Christmas for me all over again!! Clint, Abbie and I went to my cousins house today for a visit and had dinner there, and she had 2 huge boxes of all these clothes that were all too big on her now!!! She's lost 34 lbs. now with Weight Watchers also, and is looking AMAZING!!! But she had all these clothes that are too big for her, and still a size or two too small for me, so now I have clothes to shrink into!! LOL...but it's great because right now I'm in a 22. I started this little journey in a TIGHT 24...and the 22's are now becoming too large, and my 20's, I can button and zip....but BREATHING is another when I lose about 10 more lbs and fit into my 20's comfortably, that is the last of the clothes that I have. I own NOTHING smaller than a 20. I can't WAIT for these clothes to fit me!!!

Welp, that was my exciting news for today...LOL...I will be sure to let you know when I get into those clothes and actually wear them out!!!

Hope this finds you all having a wonderful weekend...If you don't stop again before the New Year...Have a safe and awesome New Years celebration!!!!

December 26, 2001 ~Just a quick update for today...I skipped weigh in and meeting tonight as I said I would. I did weigh in at work though, and it showed me one pound down, but it only shows whole numbers (no 1/2 lb increments) so I only logged a 1/2 lb loss, and we'll see what next week brings us, and be on from there!

Not alot happening today...I left work early today on account of another nasty headache...I'm getting them alot lately, although none as severe as the one last weekend. I finally got my Imitrex prescription today and I also bought some Excedrin hopefully those will help. I feel very stressed out lately...and I think that is the cause mostly. Although, I cannot figure out what is causing the stress...things have home have been GREAT, both mine and Clint's jobs are going great, bills are paid, what else could be stressing me?? Those are the only things that usually get to me, so I can't figure it out. So anyways, I sat down with Clint tonight and just mentioned to him that we need to get out more and just go and do things spontaneously like we used to. We haven't done much of anything since we had Abbie, and now that she's 3, she's plenty old enough to do and enjoy the same things we always used to go and do. So that, mixed with going downstairs to the weight room and working out together whenever we get the chance, I'm hoping will relieve some of the stress...I know that working out it great for stress relief, so here goes nothing!!! LOL...Plus it will speed my weight loss back I'm excited and feel a bit refreshed/relieved tonight...hopefully tomorrow gets even better...

I have been praying my heart out lately, looking for some relief...that may mean alot to you, or not much at all...but to me, it means the world. So, I have complete confidence that I will be feeling more like 'me' soon, and getting back to more positive things to chat about here!! So just bear with me...even though I have gotten alot of positive e-mails and messages from people who like that I'm truthful about the ups and downs of this whole weight-loss journey. I really appreciate that, and it makes me feel like I'm not just griping, but you all really do relate to what I'm going through!! Means alot, and I hope to keep seeing you all around!!!

So much for a quick post huh??? LOL

Have a great night and day tomorrow, and God Bless!!!

December 25, 2001 ~
I'm sorry it has been a few day since my last post, things have been understandably HECTIC the last few days, but we had an amazing Christmas Eve with my entire family, and and even better Christmas Day today!! I think just being with my family is the best feeling ever. They are all such wonderful people.

Points-wise, I pretty much blew it the past few days, and will start tomorrow brand new. I was thinking today how 'lax' I have gotten with measuring some things, not journaling every day, and that is my goal now. I WILL measure, I WILL journal. I have been doing awesome with my water intake though, which is great, and I'm noticing the difference in my skin already again. I don't like the feeling I have when I have gone crazy with my points, or don't track makes me feel like a failure. So, no more...simple as that. I want my last 80 lbs. gone by my goal date of my Birthday, August 24, of 2002. The only way I'm going to achieve that is to JUST DO IT. I know, what a tacky saying, but it's SO the truth....if I DON'T just do it, how will I ever accomplish it??? So, here on out, I'm back to basics...and losing at a better pace again!!! A note also, I will be avoiding weigh-in tomorrow, but if I have the chance to weigh I will post my personal weigh-in. I have a scale at work that I weigh myself on each week before the meeting, just to 'see'...LOL...and I know where that stands compared to my Weight Watchers scale, so hopefully I will at least be able to get an 'unofficial' weight to post for my end of year weight.

Also, Jenn and I will be beginning our Valentines Day Challenge as of tomorrow the 26th, so please keep following along on our challenges!! They really keep us going!!!

I will be putting my 2001 journals in an 'archive' link, and start my page for my 2002 journals now...because you know me...I mean to post, but takes awhile to actually get to it...LOL..

I hope you all had a an amazing Christmas!!! Here's to another LOSING OP year!!! God Bless you all!!!

December 20, 2001 ~Wow, what a week we have had. I'm more than ready for the Christmas Weekend. This might be a long post, so bear with me, or read it when you have a few spare minutes...hahaha

Started off last Saturday...Abbie woke up throwing up...was sick and miserable all day, has been ever since. Finally took her to the Dr. today because last night I know she was getting dehydrated, but got a bit better before bed, and when we saw the dr. today he said she has a sinus infection, and the start of strep. Yee least we got anti-biotics in her now and hopefully will be feeling better before Saturday (having her pictures done) and Christmas!!!

Then, me...Sunday night I had a bad episode with visual disturbances (won't go into all the details), HORRIBLE headache, etc. but Friday night while shopping, I had quite a few speech disturbances I was scared to death and got into the dr. on Monday afternoon. He immediately was worried that I had had a 'mini stroke' and ordered me for an MRI and MRA on Tuesday morning, and an EEG on Wednesday. Luckily, the MRI and MRA results came back perfectly anurisms, no stroke, no brain tumors, nothing...what a relief that was. I will get the EEG results tomorrow...he ordered that test to check for seizure activity...but I have a good feeling about that one too...if that comes back fine also, then he is chalking the episode up to Severe Migraines, and will have me on Imitrex so that I can take them the MINUTE I have symptoms come on again. The nurse did say that Migraines are caused sometimes by chemical changes in your body, and it may be my body adjusting to all the changes from the weight loss...kind of good news I think!! At least my body is doing SOMETHING instead of just stewing the fat that's there...ROFL...I am also getting my periods regularly now, and ON TIME...not even one day late for the last 2 months and they are lasting exactly 7's very exciting for me...

I had a BAD experience today, and thought there might be a man going home missing a 'part'...I'm just so sick of people commenting flat out and blatently about people that are heavy...there's NO reason OR excuse for it.

Ok...First this guy brings in a Rum Cake that his wife makes for everyone each year at Christmas time. Well, he tells a good friend/co-worker that is also overweight that she doesn't need any, because once she gets into it there won't be anything left for anyone else. I would have BAWLED if that was said towards me, and I'm truly surprised that she didn't come back with something good because she lets everyone know what she's thinking, but I truly think she was mortified and didn't know what to do. I wasn't there when it was said or he would have had an earful. This same man, two years ago, hurt me also. I had bought a really cute Christmas sweater from Lane Bryant, and had a matching turtle neck under it, and was feeling good about myself that know how you feel when you get new clothes?? Well, I wore it for the Christmas party at work that year. Everything was fine until this guy walks over to me, and says something to the effect of he liked my sweater, and he almost bought the same one for his wife until he realized it was from the 'big girls' store!! In front of about 30 people at the Christmas party, mind you!! I was HORRIFIED to say the least...well, I figured, he told the story ONCE that had to be the end of it...well, boy was I wrong...LAST year I wore the sweater again around Christmas time, not for the party, and he came in the office (I had 3 people in there we were all chatting) and told the story ALL OVER again...I wanted to SCREAM...

I guess my point here is ... do people really and truly not think before they speak or is it that they just don't give a crap?!?!?!? I'm so tired of hearing comments (mostly from older people), and they say it like, because I have all this fat, that my feelings are buried underneath it all, and it doesn't matter what they say to me. Either that, or like I'm not WORTHY of good comments, or it will make me WANT to lose the weight if I hear these comments??? I honestly have NO clue what people think...all I know is...I'm 1,000 times the person they will EVER be. And knowing that alone, makes all this worth while. I will truly know who my friends are when all this fat is gone, and I am the 'outer' person I want to be also! I think that I am just no longer going to 'put up with' the rude people anymore. If they don't care that they hurt me and others also, then why should I hold back from letting them know how rude and rotten THEY are???

So, never fear! You have a bad guy buggin you??? Call *da da da DA da DAAAAAAA* LESSLISA!!!!!!!!'s late...forgive me...ROFL

Have a GREAT day/night/week...and for those of you that might be away for the Holiday, I wish you the love of great family and friends to share it all with!! God bless you all!!

December 16, 2001 ~Well, I found it...I found the answer...the answer to 'What will be my motivation now that I'm no longer completely disgusted with myself'...

I went Christmas shopping Friday night after work with my cousin...she's like a size 9/10 and smaller in some things. Yeah I know *gag*...LOL...well, I did my shopping for Clint, and then we headed to a couple of stores that she wanted to go to. We ended up at Abercrombie and Fitch, and Express stores. Talk about a huge kick in the face.

I have been feeling so good about myself after losing 31 lbs. now...until Friday night. We went into Abercrombie and Fitch, and to put it simply 'the looks' ruined my night. Have you ever noticed how you get those 'What are YOU doing in THIS store' kind of look?? I used to think it was just me, because I am so self-concious about everything...well, till we entered this store, I was feeling pretty darn good, so I KNOW that wasn't the case this time. There was a huge mirror on the wall, and as I turned and saw myself in it, I wanted to crawl into a ball. All these beautiful skinny people all around me, I felt like I hadn't lost an ounce up to that point. SUCKED.

Finally we left there and I was able to breathe again. Till we hit Express. We walked in there, and it wasn't quite as bad, until my cousin went in to try on some clothes. I walked around a bit by myself trying to find something else for her to try on, and not ONCE did ANYONE ask me if I needed help, NOTHING...mind you, the same 4 employees walked past me at least twice each, and nothing was said, and I got that same old 'look' again. Until I finally said kind of rudely as one walked by 'Can you PLEASE help me?' I needed a sweater from a top rack that I couldn't reach. Then she was polite as could be and helped me.

What makes it even worse is, I was with Christie having a good time, then BAM all of a sudden I feel depressed, wanting to hide behind anything that will cover me until the very last person in the mall has gone home before I come out. Know that feeling?? Well, I hope you don't, but I also hope I'm not alone here. But what was hard was, how do I explain what is making me so upset, when it doesn't make sense to her? She doesn't get the looks and nasty feelings that come with it, and probably doesn't notice ANY of the looks or whatevers because they aren't addressed to her...ya know? So of course when I said something, she's like 'You look great!! Quit worrying!!' But it's a hard thing to take...

So anyways, I do have to say that the one good thing that DID come out of this, is...I now know what I am doing this for. I want the self-confidence to not care what those people think. I want to be able to shop for ME in those stores and be able to feel like I BELONG there, and I can wear anything they want to throw at me.

I have also learned something from this. I don't think that I have ever treated someone like they were 'below' me...but what I will get out of this miserable experience is...I know that I am a better person BECAUSE of these rude brats! I know that I have been in a situation (being fat) that most of them will NEVER know...(although I secretly hope at least ONE will...LOL...KIDDING) and I know that I will NEVER treat anyone as they have me. Sad thing is they are complete strangers and this still hurts so bad. And it shouldn't. So, I'm now on a mission. LOL I am losing this weight, and as someone said to me when they heard my night, 'You can be like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. Go back in those stores with BAGS full of OTHER STORES clothes and show them what their rudeness lost them!'...AMEN!!!

Wow...I think I'm done now...LOL...if anyone is still here and actually read this whole thing, I thank you. Helps alot knowing someone actually reads my stuff...LOL

And on a great home scale is down almost 5 lbs. So I hope it continues and holds true for Wednesdays weigh-in!!!

Wishing you all a wonderful holiday season, OP day/week, and God Bless!!!!

December 12, 2001 ~Hi!! Just got home from weigh-in and I lost another 1/2 lb.! Not a huge loss, but I'm still losing, and I didn't gain!!! That makes a total of 31 lbs. gone!!! Somehow I was messed up on last weeks total by 1/2 lb. but I'm all correct now!!

I was talking with Jenn today and I was telling her, the past couple days now, I am catching myself having to do a double-take when I see myself in the's like 'WHOA..I remember you!!!''s very strange how I'm noticing it so much now...I"m not afraid to smile anymore fearing that it makes my face look even pudgier, I'm not completely disgusted with myself...everything just feels BETTER!! I am loving it...

I still can't stand the sight of myself naked, and I still have trouble finding an outfit that doesn't make me look huge, even though I don't feel anywhere near as big as I was...but that is just going to take time just like the FIRST 31 lbs. has! I can't wait for a couple more months and have 50 LBS. gone!!! Man, I can't even imagine what THAT is going to feel like!!!

I am going through my old journal notebook right now, and I'm finding out what I had eaten/done the week that I had the 6.5 lb. loss, and I'm going to follow that again this week, and see if I don't have another big loss!! Makes sense to at least try it!! So, I hope it works!!!

Welp, not alot more going on here today...just a bit of I will talk to you all again soon!!!

Have a GREAT OP day/week, and God Bless!!!

December 10, 2001 ~Hi All!!! Long time no post huh?? I have a valid excuse...hahahah...long story, but no internet at home for a couple days...hopefully will be working again tonight so I can be here more often!

I have to say an extremely huge THANK YOU to all of you who brightened my day today. I had so many e-mails and a couple entries in my guestbook, from today and over the weekend, that has compeletly MADE my day!! It helps me ALOT to actually hear that people are reading my experience, and following what it happening with me. But you all had such wonderful comments and compliments, and I just want you all to know that I take it all to heart, and appreciate you all so much!!

Well, it's time for me to leave work, so hopefully I can get my internet at home going again, and be here again soon. Take care and good luck to you all!!!

God Bless!!

December 5, 2001 ~Welp, I did it!! I got rid of last weeks' NASTY gain...hahah..I am down 3 lbs this week!!! I am SO excited! That puts me at 31 total!!!

My leader told me tonight after she logged my loss in...that I am doing SOOO good...she goes 'You're going to be my spokesperson for our group, you watch!'...That was a VERY awesome compliment!!! She asked what things I notice now that are different (energy, etc.), and she just kept saying how great I'm doing...that's SUCH a boost coming from someone that knows how hard I am working at this..!!! Made my night!!

Welp, not much else to report I will write more tomorrow!!! Have a great night and a great OP day from here on out!! You CAN do this too!!! Keep up the great work, and see you next time!!!

December 4, 2001 ~December already?!?!?! Where on earth has this YEAR gone??? I can't believe it's almost Christmas!!!

Doing REALLY well staying OP...hoping for a good good loss this week as my scale as of yesterday (Monday) morning was showing at LEAST a 3 lb. loss. So that will take care of that big'ol nasty gain last week, PLUS some!!!! I have been walking and doing my stepper as much as possible, so I think that's helping too...had a nice 25 minute walk on lunch today...added a bit of running to it today, and besides my boobs about to beat me to death, it felt really good to run again!!!! What an amazing feeling!!!!

I have been SO active lately. My brother and his girlfriend got an apartment in Cleveland together, so I spent over 3 hours Friday night by myself packing up his room for him...lifting boxes and everything...pretty good workout. Then late that night I got the bed we made for him painted. Saturday, we spent most of the day walking the malls in Erie, doing some Christmas shopping and found Abbie's Christmas outfit! That was probably 3 hours of just walking time. Then Sunday, we had a Christmas party at my Grandpa's nursing home, and took Abbie. Santa was there. Had a light lunch of Veggies and dip and couple slices of turkey. Then we proceeded to my parents house to load up my dad's truck and our Explorer with Laddie's things. I loaded our entire car myself...all those boxes. Had it full. Then it was off to Cleveland and hauled all those things up 2 flights of stairs to the new apartment and helped put the bed together in the bedroom loft. So, all in all, had a very busy weekend full of activity points that are unused still as of today and will remain that way...LOL!!

I'm not big on using my activity points for food. Our leader told us that if you do more exercise each day just to gain activity points for food, that is another form of an eating disorder. Which I guess makes sense...but never occurred to me. I just am afraid that if I use my activity points my losses will slow down. Like whatever I burn I am using up again immediately...and it bothers me. Anyone have any input on the activity points???

Well, I'm at work and really should get SOMETHING work-related done...LOL...will write again tomorrow after weigh-in!! Keep everything crossed for me!!! LOL

Have a great day!!! God Bless!!!

Back To LessLisa Main

Graphics Provided By